


Just One More

by lookin1080p_feelinVHS



Category: Captain America, Iron Man (Comic), Iron Man (Movies), Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, References to Suicide, Self-Destruction, Suicide, Tony Angst, Tony Feels, Tony Has Issues, talking to ones self, triggery thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-31
Updated: 2013-03-31
Packaged: 2017-12-07 01:26:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/742555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lookin1080p_feelinVHS/pseuds/lookin1080p_feelinVHS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony has been having a rough time and figured out exactly how to make it better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just One More

All Tony was trying to do, as he flew over the clouds, was get away. He just needed to forget and recharge his batteries. He had been having a particularly tough month and if you had asked him why his answer to his problems was downing a half of his Johnny Blue, he just needed the cheap stuff to get to that place of euphoria that only adrenaline and alcohol could get him, his answer is simple... “I’m fucking done.” Tony suddenly decided to cut his thrusters and he began to fall. He thought to himself this is what he needed; he needed to just let it go. The bull shit that was happening at Stark Industries, the fact that him and Steve seemed to be in a long distance relationship, even if they lived together it didn’t matter they were practically strangers. _Fucking board, I thought I made it so they couldn’t pull this kind of bureaucratic bullshit anymore. They wouldn’t have jobs if it wasn’t for me and now they are going to say Iron Man isn’t right for the company?_ There was also, it seemed like anything the genius touched had a tendency to fail, blow up, or in general just not work and for someone who bases pretty much his entire existence on his ability to build, create, and innovate it was driving him crazy having so many failures. “SHIT!!” Tony exclaimed as he turned back on his thrusters nearly missing a plane that was in the process of taking off and reaching proper altitude. _Maybe I should pay just a little bit more attention to avoid ohhhh the death of hundreds. Good one Tony that’s all you fucking need is a plane crash on top of everything else._ He flew back above the clouds and was starting to feel like not such a fucking failure when Jarvis informed him of a call coming through.

“Sir Ms. Potts is trying to reach you. Shall I connect her?”

Tony took a huge breath in debating on wanting to talk to Pepper. “Yeah Jarvis what else do I have to lose?” Tony gets about 2 seconds to change his mind when Pepper’s voice fills the helmet.

“TONY!! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU??”

All Tony can do is shake his head… _typical_. “To what may I ask warrants a call from you now Pepper?”

 He heard her take a breath. “Tony the board is freaking out. They are again trying to say you are acting reckless and they don’t want Iron Man to have any part of the company. I am trying to defend you but lately you have just been … are you alright?”

  _Fuck if one more person asks if I’m alright I swear I’m talking to Doom and switching sides. “_ What do you mean they … Pepper they have no say. You and I have the control of Stark Industries, I don’t understand… Tell them they can fuck themselves and find a new place to work.” Tony disconnected the call and wished he could ram his hand through something, he was livid with what the board was trying to pull.

“Sir Captain Rogers is calling, shall I connect him?” Jarvis bellowed inside the helmet.

“You have got to be kidding …” Tony heard the click of the connection being made. “Steve! Long time no speak I was about to file a missing persons on you.” He was trying not to sound bitter but was failing miserably. “Listen I know it’s been a while since you have done the whole relationship thing but a helpful suggestion, actually seeing said partner really helps in that moving forward category.” He heard breathing and that was all, he knew he went too far with what he said but damnit how hard is it to come and see him when he is in his lab, it is in the same building! People are able to make relationships work across countries how can this one be so hard?

“I wasn’t sure you wanted to even see me Tony.” There was a pause again, like Steve was trying to find the right way to say what he wanted to. “You … you have been hiding in your lab and you never come out. I try to go see you but you tell Jarvis you don’t want to be interrupted. What the hell Tony? I don’t understand you. I haven’t seen you I think you are avoiding me and then you say something like that? What is wrong with you?” Steve seems like this has been a conversation he has wanted to have for a while now and doesn’t give Tony a time to answer. “Look I know that I am not the type you are used to but if you are just gonna ignore me then maybe we should.”

Tony stops him before he can say another word. “Steve! Stop… just stop please ok just…just don’t say anything else ok?” Tony takes a few breaths knowing exactly what he just stopped Steve from saying. “I’ve ..I’m.. look I have just been under a lot of stress.” Tony has a paniced tone to his voice now. “It has nothing to do with how I feel about you, I promise.”  Tony listened for a response. Well response was putting it lightly, he was listening for the “oh yeah Tony no problem I understand we can talk when you get home, ya know and maybe other stuff we have both been neglecting as well.” _Come on Steve… say it say it’s fine, say we’re ok, fucking say something besides you are sick of my shit and want to stop._ Tony can’t take the silence anymore and tries to move the conversation along. “Steve? Steve are you still there?”

“Yeah …I’m here.”

_Ok…that sounds horrible._ “You just got really quiet, I thought the call dropped.” _Nice save there Stark, fucking genius right?_

Steve sighed. “No it didn’t drop. You just told me to stop and I did.” Steve took another shaky breath. “Even though I feel I shouldn’t have, you know what I was gonna say Tony; and just because you don’t want to hear it doesn’t make it any less true.” Steve took another moment but kept going with some assertiveness but more confusion in his voice. “I think I’ll grab my stuff and stay in my apartment tonight, that way you can have all the time you need to figure out what ever you have to figure out without having me around to bug you.”

Tony practically choked out a Steve no, but it came out more like a sob. “You’re leaving?” Tony asked. “No you know what don’t answer, I’m not surprised. I’m surprised we lasted as long as we did but this, yeah not shocked.”

Steve felt his heart being crushed at Tony’s words, time that’s all he was giving the other man time he needed to figure out his situation; he did not want to end it. “Tony I  just… I think it’s better if you take some time and.”

“Look Captain, I appreciate the thought here. I really do, but I think we are done…well I know we are done, that you made clear.” Tony was done with this conversation. “Just … nevermind.”

“Tony I don’t want to bre” Steve didn’t get to finish his sentence when he heard the click of the call disconnecting.

Tony was lost. Having no idea which way was up and or down he felt backwards and just lost in his thoughts right now. He knew he wanted to cry and scream and shout but couldn’t. He had the feeling like he couldn’t, he wanted to but no one taught him how so instead he grits his teeth together and again pictures a huge wall he can smash. Tony begins to feel nauseous as more doubt, more self-loathing, everything he hated about himself he just justified because why not, if Captain America can’t fix you then who the hell can? You really are a lost cause at that point. _There it is, that’s the answer, a lost cause._ “Jarvis?”

“Yes sir?” the disembodied voice replied.

“Jarvis code 1.78663592217E+28.” There is a reason that code is so long but its purpose is one that would be very bad if it was ever mistakenly said. This time however it was not, Tony said each number, letter, and sign to the exact way he wrote it in the programming. Binary was too long to say so a simple translation to decimal worked, though still long, was good enough.

“Sir that command is very ill advised. If the suit releases you at this altitude you will not survive.” If Jarvis could he would sound concerned for his maker but being a computer he wasn’t written that way. The tone he had saying that though was close enough. “I would ask you to please repeat the command for I am sure I misunderstood you. My apologies.”

Tony knew exactly what he said and he gets why he said it. He’s done and he knows that everything is just gonna go a lot smoother without him around fucking everything up. Pepper can run the company with her shares and his no more Iron Man to mess anything up , his inventions will go unfinished but hey someone will come around and save the world the way he tried, they’ll just do it better, and Steve, well he can meet a guy or girl that will treat him right. Tony knew that he treated Steve like shit and that the blonde didn’t deserve that. “I repeat execute code 1.78663592217E+28 and don’t make me say it again Jarvis, contrary to popular belief, I know exactly what I'm doing.” Without question Jarvis started to run the command and the suit started to fall off of the smaller man it was covering. Power was cut and Tony began his free fall to the earth below. Immediately Tony was brought back to his other free-falls in the suit and without. Those times; he is not going to lie to himself any more, there was always a part of him that didn’t want the suit to reach him, didn’t want the fall to stop, but he had luck on his side (if you can call it that.) and he was saved. Maybe now he doesn’t have to sit in a car as his reactor fails, or drink himself into alcohol poisoning. “YOU WERE RIGHT YOU BASTARD!” he yelled over the wind. No more daddy issues, no more girl issues, no more issues. He smiled to himself and found it funny that this is the first time he has truly felt peace in a very long time. This was what he needed all along. He wanted to get away and experience the way he felt when he first flew in the MarkII. He was carefree and excited again. Instead of going higher to test the limits though he was plunging to earth, arms spread and the wind sweeping underneath him. Tony could see the sky line getting closer and for a moment closed his eyes. He saw Steve and for a brief second felt regret that he and Steve didn’t work or now wouldn’t get to try. _If I could just get one more kiss, one last touch of that super soldier skin against my fingers, just one more…_

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at about 4 in the morning after some rough thoughts. Instead of doing anything about them I wrote this. I know it's just a drabble and not a very good one. It was not beta because my friends would have read between the lines and I didn't want to talk about it to anyone. Sorry if you read this and want your 4 min back. I'll work on a time machine so this can be accomplished :)


End file.
